The Hero

It's almost coming up! 1 year since he was born. I used to ignore when people will tell me that time will fly by. I look back and I can't believe that my baby have been blessing our lives for an entire year!

I catch myself looking at his older pictures almost daily and feeling guilty for not enjoying more time with him. The 1st 3 months were all a blur, so much going on, depression, and changes that were just very hard for me to take. Then I started working, even though it brought me some sore of sanity to be out of the house and deal with other adult people and feel like I bring something to the table, in the back of my mind I always felt guilty for not being with him.

I know it's normal to feel that way, but just because its normal, is it OK? To me its all about having a balanced life. Being a stay at home mom is not something I could do. But working full time and not be with my baby the entire day is not my preference either. In a perfect world I would work part time and everything would be perfect! haha

The bigger he gets the more fun he is. He has his own personality and I must say I love his company so much. Every day is something new, the way he reacts to simple things that I never paid attention to, or the way he gets excited with the simple task of clapping..all of this make me feel like a baby too. I see everything the same way he does, I've learned to get excited when I clap because I know he is doing this along with me. Simple things like crossing your eyes will make him laugh, is this how life should be? always? I sure hope so. Why can't we all have this life? maybe this world would be in a better place.?

I've learned to love unconditionally, not only it grows every day (I always say I can't imagine loving him more than I do now and a day pass by and I do!) it makes me a more compassionate person. I never thought that making someone else happy will not only be my priority but will be what I would do for the rest of my life, and you know what? I can't imagine my life any other way.

He makes me feel like a Hero, when he is scared and he opens his arms to reach to me or when he sees me entering into a room and he cant wait for me to hold him, his eyes full of excitement. Or when he is looking for my approval when he discovered where I hid his toys and he wants me to feel proud of him...this...my life as a Hero...is this what being a mother is?

Almost the end of the year

I've been away for a long time. Let me recap what have been going on.

I became a mommy. I never imagined that I would say that but yep.

What can I say, its been a learning 8 months. Leo has been in my life for 8 months, and I can't remember life before him.

Its been hard, frustrating and challenging. But when that baby looks at me like I am some sort of hero it makes it all worth it.

He has such a cute personality! He looks just like daddy and has my temper (which is not what I wanted him to have! haha)

I never knew or imagined to love this much, every day this love grows more and when I think I can't love him enough, a day passes and the love is even bigger.

I am looking forward for our future and to get to know each other even more, I am so happy he is my son. I will keep posting, so stay tuned!

1 month old baby

Hello there

Its been 1 month since Baby Leonardo was born, boy this have been a total rollercoaster. I went in on a Sunday for induction, Leo wasnt having any of it! His hearbeat was almost in te 200 with the Cervadil, so they had to get the cervadil out. They even said his heartbeat wont go down they had to do a c section! I was so scared for him and me! But thank God his hearbeat came down on its own and quick!

So Monday morning came and they started with pitosin at 9 am, then 10 am came and it was a new Doctor, Dr Rollins, she was an angel. She ordered to take out the pitosin cause my body was not ready and she went ahead and put me some sort of pill in my cervix to soften it. She checked me every 4 hours after it, at 2 nothing has happened, but I was having minor contraccions...at 5 a big blood gush came down, I thought my water broke! so the doctor came to check in and broke my water, for our surprise the water had poo in it, probably from the stress he suffered the night before. I was only 3 centimeters. She ordered the pitosin and at 8pm the pain was SO horrible! (I couldnt even breath!) I ordered an epidural! yay! At about 1 am the doc checked me again and there was more poop coming, that was not good, I have not progressed either..c section was the only way out. I was not happy, but I tried, we tried to have him natural but he had another plan...stubborn baby.

The recovery of that c section was so hard. It was so painful, and my amazing husband took care of me. Walking or getting out and in to bed was always an ordeal. And going to the bathroom? My husband had to clean me every time I went. I couldn't believe what a great man I had by my side. It humbled me, and it made me fall in love all over again. He not only took care of me, he took care of baby Leo while i was recovering and he did it with such grace...

Stubborn baby, he sure is! I never imagined how hard and unbelievable having a child would be. I almost lost it after 2 weeks, no sleep makes you delusional! Thank God I have the husband I have. He has helped me like I never imagined.

I am starting to get the swing of things and starting to know what he wants or needs.. I am bonding much more making me love him even more. He is m life now, and I would do anything for him.

I thank God for his blessings, for a healthy perfect baby, amazing husband and for this new journey.

Finally something happening!

So yesterday at my 38 w and 1 day appointment the doctor told me I was 80% effaced and 1 centimeter dilated! I know this is not much but compared to last week which i was only 50% effaced and no dilation this is major for me! :-)

Ive been sleeping less, this belly gets on my way!


I am so anxious to have this baby...I don't know or can't imagine how my life will be with him but I am ready for this adventure!

My parents get here next week! I can't wait to see them! I am so excited they get to spend that time with me.

I will be updating soon! Wish me luck!

A letter to my unborn son, Leonardo

The moment we decided to conceive I had all this expectations from what would be like to be not only pregnant but to have a child. I wondered how my life and love would change, and was very excited to see how this journey will change me as a person.

Let me tell you son, the moment I knew I was carrying you I had my doubts, I was scared but excited at the same time. I didn't know how to feel. I couldn't believe a baby was growing inside of me. A baby that will show the world how much your dad and mom love each other. We love each other so much that it made sense to expand and share our love with you.

When we had our 1st ultrasound and we got to hear your little heart beat your father and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes and hold hands. We didn't say much, we didn't had to, we were so proud that YOU chose for us to be your guardian angels. We were honored that YOU wanted to be part of our love, and we were moved to see that YOU will fill our lives with happiness and unconditional love.

As this pregnancy has gone by and my body and hormones have changed, I must say sometimes I felt challenged. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. Not only accepting my new body but trying to control the constant crying, that was the hardest part! haha I am sure you felt every bit of emotions and I hope this brought you closer to me.

The moment they told me you were a boy, I was in shock! I don't know why I thought I was having a baby girl. That moment of shock and confusion went away as soon as I took a sight of your fathers eyes. His eyes were wide big, full of light and hope when he knew his 1st was going to be a Son. He was so proud to know he was going to be able to show his son everything that he knows. And I was so happy to know you will learn to become the great man that he is today. I can't wait for him to share with you his passion for boats, sea, sports, poker and other little things that you will get to do with him. Life will be a blessing that I will get to witness it all.

Your due date is coming soon. I am very scared of being a mom I must say. I want to be the best I can for you. I can't promise you I will be perfect, I know I will make many mistakes but I hope you understand that everything I will do for and to you will be from loving you. I don't know what you expect from me, so I hope to not disappoint you. I can only promise you that I will try to always make the best decision for you.

I've imagined how you look like, and I know you will be a beautiful baby. Every kick you give me, I know that is you saying "Hi Mom, I love you" that brings always a smile to my face. And even though I don't know you yet, I already love you with all my heart.

I can't wait for the day that we will meet. I can't wait for the day that I will be able to touch you, kiss you and finally look into your eyes and tell you I love you. You have changed me to be a better person, a better woman and I can't imagine how much more I will change once you are in my arms. Did I ever knew I would change so much through this process? no... I know you chose me before I even consider taking this journey, I know this!, cause you know you were the only one that would be able to change me and the only one that will make me strong enough to go through this.

Thank you Leonardo for letting me in your life, thank you for showing me what pure, peaceful love is, thank you for making me love your father even more and thank you for making me a woman, before you I was just a girl. I love you.

5 pounds 13 ounces!

Well, we got to see Baby Leonardo yesterday! I am 36 2 days (today) and I can say I feel great! I never get tired of seeing this baby through the Ultra Sound. He was so squeezed in my belly! We weren't able to get a good face shot of him, he kept putting his hands on his face! What I did asked was to make sure he was still a boy. I had a nightmare last week that they told me Oh by the way, its a girl, we were never sure it was a boy and I was mad and screaming at everyone asking what am I gona do with a blue nursery! So that stayed on my mind. I told her please find his pipi! She did found balls though lol big ones! but pipi was covered bu his hand. He was just covering himself, he hated to be exposed and moved around so much!

We had another baby shower about 2 weeks ago. It was amazing! I got so many things that were needed. My sis in law did a great job! Now, Leo's room looks like a mess! I will organize it this weekend. Last weekend we went to BRU to buy the swing and high chair and then sunday it was a beautiful day and we spent it on the boat, so this weekend will be!

I still can't believe baby will be here soon! My mom told me she will come March 17 and will leave April 21. I am so excited!!! We also went to the academy were we will leave the baby when i come back to work. Its EXPENSIVE but I loved the place and I know he will be safe and having fun there with other babies.

I want to blink and have him here with me. I am scared, soo scared of the unkown. I dont know how he will be, sleep, eat, caca, everything! What I am not scared of is that I will love him so much!

Ok i will post soon when I get near the date! I will post pics of my belly too! :-)

31 Weeks Today 63 more days to go!

Well, its been a while since I write something. I must say I've been completely lazy! I have to take naps during my lunch hour in order to survive the rest of the day. But today I decided to skip the nap and write something.

I went to Puerto Rico Dec 12? I think, anyways my friends and family threw me a baby shower. I had sooo much fun with them. I miss them very much. It was so hot! I think I melt over there, it was insane. I had quality time with my parents, I wish they were closer, I am so bonded with them. And i will stop writing about them cause I will start crying....such a wimp lately!

We had a wonderful Christmas..it was just me and my husband...and it was perfect! We saw Leonardo Dec 23, he is so handsome! We were speechless of how gorgeous he is. That was our best xmas present! I dont have any more placenta previa, it moved up! YAY!

Then New years was great too! Leo moves soooo much! its crazy and I love staring at my belly and see it getting deformed by his movements. I love to feel him, if there are a couple of hours that I don't I freak out! I just miss him when he doesnt move, its a great joy to put my hand on my belly and play with him.

I also was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, grrrr So I've been limited in the food I can eat, which sucks big time! I lost 5 pounds over the weekend! damn diet. But i still eat chocolate and carbs in a VERY moderate way.

We started with the Childbirh classes! and boy do I like em! I just love this experience, I never knew how amazing this feels.

I want to write a letter to my mom, to tell her I never understood how much she loved me until now.

I am also a crying mess! I never cry! i am a cold stone! and now since I am pregnant it comes in a daily basis. Example, last night watching the bachelor, yea i cried. I see a picture that makes me sad, yep I cry. I see and elderly, I cry too and the list go on and on!

Can't wait to have Leo home, I will have a 2nd shower Feb 6 with friends here. I am excited about that one too! and then after that its just countdown, Leo will be here anytime!!!!!!!!! I love him so much...can't wait to meet him.