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It's almost coming up! 1 year since he was born. I used to ignore when people will tell me that time will fly by. I look back and I can't believe that my baby have been blessing our lives for an entire year!
I catch myself looking at his older pictures almost daily and feeling guilty for not enjoying more time with him. The 1st 3 months were all a blur, so much going on, depression, and changes that were just very hard for me to take. Then I started working, even though it brought me some sore of sanity to be out of the house and deal with other adult people and feel like I bring something to the table, in the back of my mind I always felt guilty for not being with him.
I know it's normal to feel that way, but just because its normal, is it OK? To me its all about having a balanced life. Being a stay at home mom is not something I could do. But working full time and not be with my baby the entire day is not my preference either. In a perfect world I would work part time and everything would be perfect! haha
The bigger he gets the more fun he is. He has his own personality and I must say I love his company so much. Every day is something new, the way he reacts to simple things that I never paid attention to, or the way he gets excited with the simple task of clapping..all of this make me feel like a baby too. I see everything the same way he does, I've learned to get excited when I clap because I know he is doing this along with me. Simple things like crossing your eyes will make him laugh, is this how life should be? always? I sure hope so. Why can't we all have this life? maybe this world would be in a better place.?
I've learned to love unconditionally, not only it grows every day (I always say I can't imagine loving him more than I do now and a day pass by and I do!) it makes me a more compassionate person. I never thought that making someone else happy will not only be my priority but will be what I would do for the rest of my life, and you know what? I can't imagine my life any other way.
He makes me feel like a Hero, when he is scared and he opens his arms to reach to me or when he sees me entering into a room and he cant wait for me to hold him, his eyes full of excitement. Or when he is looking for my approval when he discovered where I hid his toys and he wants me to feel proud of him...this...my life as a Hero...is this what being a mother is?
